Thanks. Maybe that is why you were introduced to my life. Even though we do not know each other, but you woke me up somehow and gave me the courage. Maybe you helped me in all the wrong way, but because now everything turns out to be better than previously, so yes, I think you were in my life for a good reason.
Around October 2009, I got to know an (well, let's face it. it was the first point of attraction) extremely hot guy, who happened to do the same course as me, exist in this world. Employing my excellent stalking skills, I knew that guy's favorite songs, favorite movies, and I really thought we have a lot in common as we both love romantic music, reflective music, we are those not-so-typical-clingy-devoted-boy/girlfriend/spouses. and we take care of our studies well, and we are of the same age. (Please don't get scared by how much I had researched this guy, since I was really frustrated about how few decent guys were in the world at that time). Let's call him Eye Candy Guy.
Unfortunately, I was still in a (broken) relationship with someone, whom I was ever so blind about realising the non-existent potential of marriage, since we grew further and further apart due to numerous quarrels caused by my incessant jealousy and his repeated lies. and I grew more and more tired of it. Before you can judge me because I had a crush on someone while I was still officially another person's girlfriend, I did not make any advancement with the new guy. Just observing him from a distance while reflecting and cursing my unsuccessful relationship, seeing the greener grass on the other side of the fence. I felt tremendously guilty and just could not believe I can ever feel this way - so unfaithful, so against my own principles. I was always a loyal person close to the boundary of stupidity. I didn't keep any guy friend, I even fired a good male friend (well, we always have that kind of awkward closeness), because of my attachment to that boyfriend. Yes, the relationship was really unhealthy on my side, especially since my boyfriend still kept his female friends which was an emotionally draining fact to me. Okay, I do not want to go into the gory details about the relationship, since doing that will just open up an old wound.
But the point is, I was having a growing hole in my relationship, it was near breaking point, and yet, I was clinging to all the good memories we had in our honeymoon period in the relationship, secretly hoping we can experience them again. and I am the kind of girl "once you find someone, just settle with him, there is no need to find someone else". I was blind. but then Eye Candy Guy came and he just made me realise, there is really more than one guy in this world. (Duhh??! Ms Jones!) A guy who is more compatible, has more similar interests with you (just enough to make you two have some conversations going, for you two to understand each other's endeavours), lie less, care more, than your boyfriend, may exist in this world, and it is really pointless trying to put my relationship back together because it was broken beyond repair. You may say I gave up too easily, but, 2.5 years is not a short time and I already knew I could not ever accept my boyfriend's flaws since they were of fundamental essence. He could not accept me as well. We both knew it was not going to work, but we did still love each other that it was extremely difficult to decide where we wanted to go next. (It was a love/hate relationship really. I totally understand how it feels - you cant live without someone, yet it kills you living with that same person - it sucks completely because it was darn hard to make that stay or leave decision.). And Eye Candy Guy appeared and I made my call.
He appeared in my life as a friend's friend whom I never got introduced to. and I started to see that I need to stop trying too hard to glue up all the broken pieces of my relationship. Call me a quitter, but now, one year after the breakup, my ex already found a new girlfriend and, although I am still searching for Mr Right, I can say I have never been a happier person before. The breakup was a good call.
and yes, without the presence of Eye Candy Guy I might not be able to move to close that chapter of my life. Although it was another unsaid feeling (we are not even friends), that mere fling did open my eyes.
Thanks very much Eye Candy Guy. You were a tool that I wish will play a bigger part in my life. Thanks to all the hours I spent studying in the library while listening to songs that you love. Thanks for introducing me to The Script, Jayeslee, and just letting my soul be in touch with those nice, sweetheart, full-of-romantic-hope melodies. If the songs you listen to, and the quotes you favorited (I really love: "Honestly, if you're not willing to sound stupid you don't deserve to be in love" by Emily Friehl, A Lot Like Love), really reflect on the kind of person you are in real life, how I really hope I can get to know you someday.
Thanks for making my heart skip a beat or two when I see you around university. Thanks for making me look forward to dull lectures. Thanks for showing up suddenly in the library when I was ever so tortured with exams preparation. Thanks for making me laugh my head off on my way out of the computer lab, when I passed by you talking to your friend and I realised how un-gentleman you sound (it was the moment when you, dressed in a knight suit on top of a white horse, fell from your horse to the ground. but it was really cute, I love it, and it did not drop you off the pedestal at all.)
More importantly, thanks for giving a hope to my tired heart.
Thanks for everything.
......
You must wonder why I suddenly write about an infatuation, about this forbidden love story, many months afterwards, right?
Well, I was looking for soulful songs to listen to while I am applying for jobs, and I remembered "The Man Who Can't Be Moved" by The Script. It was one of the song favored by Eye Candy Guy, a song I was really hooked up into, and the song that, I think, somehow, described a situation I always want to be in with Eye Candy Guy. Listen to the lyrics and you will understand why :)
Well, now Eye Candy Guy is already in a different country working, but we are of the same nationality though, and we have a lot of common friends, so yea.. It is not impossible that one day...? but for now, he is very distant. But yeah, it is good to note it down here so I can let go of my unsaid feeling.
*Dear Eye Candy Guy, I hope one day if you "wake up and find that you're missing me/and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be/Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet/And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street". Come and find me. I am still here waiting.*
The Man Who Can't Be Moved
by The Script
Going Back to the corner
where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag
I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard,
got your picture in my hand
saying, "if you see this girl
can you tell her where I am"
Some try to hand me money,
they don't understand
I'm not broke, I'm just
a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense
but what else can I do?
How can I move on
when I'm still in love with you?
Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving
Policeman says "son you can't stay here"
I said, "there's someone I'm waiting for
If it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if
it rains or snows
If she changes her mind
this is the first place she will go
Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving
I'm not moving, I'm not moving
People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
ohhh..
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world
ohhh..
Maybe i'll get famous
as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to
but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
cuase you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved
Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving
I'm not moving, I'm not moving (x2)
Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
<3
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